As I reflect on some of the pain-filled conversations that I’ve had over the years, the Lord reminded me of advice I received from a saged man who understood the city. He said something to the effect of “Be spiritually prepared on holidays because the pressure of ungrieved loss of abusive & abdicating parents comes tumbling out.” I only wish I remembered it sooner. If so, I would’ve written this note sooner.
This urban guru once pointed out how important these holidays are in American culture and how many urban people want to but cannot identify with these honoring, thanks giving, & giving days of reflection. Of course, this is not limited to urban folks but to many who struggle to genuinely honor mother or authentically honor father when the parent is holding on to personal sin rather than caring for the child. Mothers Day & Fathers Day each represent yet another ungrieved loss that seems to pile up year in & year out as the parent & child continue to interact & the child continues to want to hope & want to experience genuine pride in a Godly parent. But year in & year out the child, either consciously or subconsciously, experiences the loss again as he or she fails to want to honor a parent whom the child sees as without honor. Many people around us can identify with the emotional heartache of being trapped in a culture that insists on celebrating days of giving honor to someone who appears so honorless. Although death of a parent is a different loss, it is a loss that may be more easily grieved through these holidays. Not so, when you see your parent as virtually useless & among the living dead.
In the circumstance when “honorless” parents are alive & continue to not model honorable behaviors, I can only imagine wanting to honor my parents & feeling the knot in my chest of not doing so because I don’t think they deserve it. As we seek to minister the Gospel of peace to one another, let us make concerted efforts to pray for one another during holidays like these, as we (or people around us) are compelled to release the anger in unhealthy ways. Let us pray in the days leading up to pain-filled holidays that the Spirit of God would allow us to intervene as His soothing balm when those moments of repressed loss come tumbling out.
The Spirit of God continues to draw people to Himself through the church family to which we are connected & I pray this is true for all believers reading this. Thanks to Holy Spirit sensitivity by those who cultivate a heart of compassion, the Lord has loved & is loving many through His Bride the Church. May we be diligent in preparing our hearts for the joy of the next upcoming holiday.
Father’s Day is only days away, but now is the time to begin to prepare our hearts. With a fun filled afternoon picnics and events planned by many of us, Fathers Day this year looks to be an exciting day. But with that excitement will be those who are desperate for real relationship with their earthly father. Let us prepare to introduce them to our heavenly Father…even as the ungrieved pain begins to tumble out.
Peace on whom His favor rests,
Juri