A few years back I was making mistakes in my job. I didn’t know I was making mistakes but I was about to find out. A trusted friend in the work environment confronted me but did so in a manner that violated my trust. You see, this friend wrote a detailed letter of how I screwed up and sent it to me AND to my direct report.
OUCH.
Yup. That hurt. Interestingly, my direct report disagreed with my friend and thought I had not made any mistakes and was doing just fine. I met with my friend and after a hard conversation, this friend severed the friendship. A seven year long friendship was over and I was crushed.
Then I came across this…
Search me, God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting. - Psalm 139
Hm. So I prayed and asked God to show me if there was any offensive way in me. The thought I had was to get some perspective. I drafted a couple of questions and shot them off via email to a variety of trusted people. These people are those who have been used of God to encourage me or challenge me over the years. The list of people included mentors, pastors, professors, and friends. The result was excellent.
The perspective that I gained from hearing from trusted people turned the criticism of one friend into the perspective check I needed from a bunch of friends. Little did I know that I would need to repeat this perspective check a couple more times in the years ahead. Each time I did repeat it, I was both encouraged and challenged. Each time was rewarding in every way.
If you’ve been criticized and want to delve into a similar perspective check, consider copying these questions into an email and sending it to a few trusted people. It was risk for me to do so. It turned out to be a risk worth taking that paid rich dividends. Perhaps it will pay of for you too.
1. What is your perception of my reputation?
2. Do you feel that I am in a truly healthy place in life?
3. Do you believe that I am a whole person?
4. Where do you see that I may be unwhole?
5. What are the strengths you’ve seen in me that I need to continue to cultivate in order to continue to be effective (in my work/ministry/service, or in my family, or in my friendships)?
6. What are the weaknesses that you’ve seen that could undermine my effectiveness (in my work/ministry/service, or in my family, or in my friendships)?
Criticism or Perspective. Maybe it’s time to check.